Warning: because they eat fermenting fruit, moose are walking around drunk…

Draw graffiti all over your favorite website.

Does it hurt to get your wisdom’s teeth taken out? How much of a big deal is it, if your teeth aren’t out at all? Do you have to miss work?

The International Rock Paper Scissors Championships. No, really.

The coffee saga continues. We’ve just received a memo that, effective tomorrow, we’ll have to pay for the coffee from the “bad-coffee-machine”. Because the “good-coffee-machine” cannot accept money, they’re getting rid of it.

Any other signs I should look for?

There is a crisis here at the office. For the whole week so far, our regular coffee machine has been low on coffee, so it’s been making a weak brew. So I’ve been taking it black. Then it totally ran out, and I had to start using the good-coffee-machine, which makes an amazing cup of joe but takes a full 30 seconds to produce half a cup, and, well, that’s kind of slow.

This morning, that one ran out too.

So now, I’m running on decaf, hoping to fool my neurons into firing lacking their favorite fuel. So you’ll forgive me if the following is my only opinion for today.

I was filling out my ballot yesterday, voting for the players who should get to be in the NHL All-Star Game this year, and I discovered that they’ve reverted to it being East Conference players vs. West. For a few years, it used to be American and Canadian players vs. the Rest of the World. There was a side for everyone to take. You could feel some sort of allegiance for North America, or against it. Either way, you could care a bit more than you can now.

Indeed, when it’s “players from west coast teams” vs. “players from east coast teams”, how can you possibly identify with either side? It doesn’t mean anything. How can you give a shit who wins? Personally, it’ll make for a much less exciting and entertaining game.

Yes, I need coffee.

Spielberg is making a Tintin movie.

I look at how well Dork Tower describes my life.

Well, this weekend I watched the extended version of the greatest movie ever made. I think the new scenes will increase the enjoyment of true Lord of the Rings fans, because it includes more from the book, but I think the theatrical version was ultimately better for the mainstream audience. It’s tighter, and it flows better. I think non-fans might get slightly bored with the extra details.

Anyway, here are all the changes I can think of for now:

1. In the Prologue, there is a little more detail about the death of Isildur, how the Ring betrayed him.

2. The establishing Hobbiton section is totally different. Bilbo is seen starting his book (There and Back Again), and writing the chapter “Concerning Hobbits”. A lot more is seen of normal hobbit life, and hobbits are described in more detail. In the carriage, Frodo mentions to Gandalf how strange Bilbo is becoming. There is a scene where Bilbo frantically looks for the Ring, only to find it in his pocket. In the scene where Gandalf visits Bilbo, the latter mentions the Sackville-Bagginses by name.

3. During the party scene:
- The Sackville-Bagginses are seen. Bilbo’s ears twitch upon their arrival.
- Bilbo is seen greeting a number of hobbits.
- Bilbo has a talk with Frodo, hinting that he will leave.

4. After Bilbo leaves for Rivendell and Gandalf leaves Gondor, there is a Hobbiton tavern scene, where:
- Gaffer Gamgee and the Old Miller are seen.
- Merry and Pippin are slightly drunk, singing.
- Sam’s interest in Rosie is re-emphasized.

5. Sam and Frodo’s journey to Bree is longer. They are seen camping, eating and sleeping. They encounter Wood Elves, leaving Middle-Earth.

6. The journey between Bree and Rivendell is longer.
- They are seen crossing marshes.
- Frodo explains why he trusts Aragorn.
- Aragorn is seen returning to camp with a dead deer on his back.
- Aragorn is seen singing about Luthien, an immortal lady who died because of her love of Beren, a mortal.
- Aragorn is seen arming the hobbits.
- When Frodo is wounded, Sam mentions that the statues are Bilbo’s trolls.

7. At Rivendell:
- The initial meeting between Boromir and Aragorn is slightly longer.
- There is a scene where Elrond speaks to Aragorn of his fate, of his power to unite men. Aragorn says he has never wanted that power.
- At the Council, the voice of Sauron is heard; Gandalf speaks back to it in the Black Speech of Morgoth, and then makes a speech about how evil the Ring is. Boromir’s speech is slightly longer.
- There is a goodbye scene when the Fellowship leaves, with several elves present, including Arwen. Frodo discreetly asks Gandalf the way to Mordor.

8. The scene where Boromir is training Merry and Pippin to fight is slightly longer. Aragorn gets involved.

9. The Caradhras scene is longer. Boromir indicates that they can’t stay there long because Merry and Pippin are freezing. They are shown to be in bad shape.

10. Right before they get to Moria, Gandalf speaks to Frodo, implying that he knows his impending fate and warning him vaguely about evil within the fellowship.

11. At the doors of Moria, Gandalf tries more things to open the doors. He snaps at Pippin who makes an unwanted comment.

12. In Moria, Gandalf mentions how the wealth of the dwarves was in mithril.

13. During the battle with the cave troll, Aragorn and Boromir pull on its chain together. Boromir gets flung against a wall.

14. The grieving scene after Gandalf’s fall is slightly longer.

15. When they get to Lothlorien, they first get refused access. Gimli bitches that everyone is speaking Elvish, and says something nasty in Dwarvish. Aragorn pleads with Haldir to let them in. When they get to see Galadriel and Celeborn, the latter bemoans the fact that the Enemy knows they are there.

16. The initial conversation with Galadriel is longer. She comforts Gimli after Legolas says it was in Khazad-Dûm that Gandalf fell.

17. When the elves lament Gandalf, Sam tries to add a verse about Gandalf’s fireworks.

18. During the Mirror scene, Galadriel mentions the Ring Nenya, of which she is the keeper.

19. When they leave Lothlorien, Galadriel gives the fellowship gifts:
- Rope for Sam
- Daggers for Merry and Pippin
- The light of Elendil for Frodo
- A bow for Legolas

20. She asks what Gimli would like. He says he simply wants to look at her once more. Then, embarrassed, he mentions there is something else. He later tells Legolas he asked for one of her hair, she gave him three.

21. She has a discussion with Aragorn about the choice he has to make, whether to rise above all his ancestors or fall with them. They also speak of Arwen’s choice to remain with him instead of going on to eternal life with her people.

22. Legolas mentions the great properties of lembas. Pippin and Merry pig out on it and Pippin farts.

23. On the way to Rauros, Gollum is seen (again) tracking the group.

24. Sam argues with Frodo to eat or sleep, but Frodo won’t.

25. There is an argument between Aragorn and Boromir. The latter wants to go to Gondor and regroup, while Aragorn says “I will not lead the Ring within a hundred leagues of your city”. Boromir berates him for escaping who he is, what he is.

26. The final fight with the orcs is slightly longer. Merry and Pippin are seen fighting more, throwing rocks and using their swords. The great shot where Legolas shoots three arrows in a row is now a great shot where Legolas shoots six arrows in a row.

27. Boromir’s death scene is a little longer. Aragorn has more to say.

Today is Ste-Catherine’s day, patron saint of old maids like me. Apparently, old Catherine converted to Christianity after having a vision and debated some pagan philosophers, converting many in the process with her great rhetoric. Traditionally, the day is associated with making taffy (tire, or “pull”), and I read that this is because poor Catherine was pulled on a wheel during her martyrdom. Another version says the wheel was destroyed as soon as she touched it, so they beheaded her instead. Yet another version has it that Catherine angered the emperor Maximus by refusing to marry him.

In the early days in the French Canadian colony, a feast was held on November 25th, where taffy was made and single women could meet eligible men, in order to be married in time for the holidays.

Yes, there was a time when it was that simple.