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This weekend was about nesting, making my new apartment almost as functional as home. I discovered how complicated and labor-intensive simple tasks can become in an unknown city, where everything shuts early, taxis have to be called and I don’t have access to a Communauto. Sometimes it feels like I’m back to pre-industrial times. Tasks that take me half a morning in Montreal become whole-weekend pilgrimages here.

Marie-Ève doesn’t have a cellphone so I got to remember what it was like to lose someone in a crowd in pre-cellphone times when we became separated at Ikea, where we had gone by taxi (my second visit in as many days, because we couldn’t get everything done in one load). Then I tried putting together the furniture but had no tools. Destroyed my hand trying to twist screws without a screwdriver, and hammering with a shoe. In the end the furniture was held together mostly by hope, and I actually feared leaving the window open lest the wind blow my Billy shelf apart.

Even if I didn’t have about 12 different screwdrivers at home in Montreal, buying one would have been a matter of crossing Mont-Royal street to one of three nearby Ronas. Not so in Newcastle. After running around town in search of tools, and finding everything closed (at 4:45 PM!), I remembered a 24-hour Tesco located out of town. Walked 40 minutes to get there (for a &?%$#@ hammer!), past billboards boasting its opening hours with slogans like “Tesco - Still Open!”. Got there and found it closed. Ah ben SACRAMENT! On a bright, cheerful sign that shouted “Open 24 Hours!” at me, were also listed the actual opening hours (10 am - 4 pm Sundays, and not one day where it doesn’t shut). What?

The washer/dryer with whom I’m living a lie (I suspect it of just being a washer) is covered in forgotten, obscure Runic symbols instead of text, and locks my panties inside if I don’t enter the right incantation combination of buttons.

With the months all this will probably become familiar and I can carve out an efficient life for myself. However, the Buddha on my Billy would say that for the time being, it’s probably best to let go of such opulent luxuries as a dépanneur.

UPDATE: I can’t make this shit up. I found the washer/dryer manual online at work, and sent myself the link at home. Get home and set up the laptop nearby, click the link, and it’s blocked as inappropriate content. If I was high I’d be seriously paranoid right now.

Okay, the world is now officially fucking insane. Car dashboards with integrated web browsers this year.

“Heading to Madison Square Garden for a basketball game? Pop down the touch pad, finger-scribble the word “Knicks” and get a Wikipedia entry on the arena, photos and reviews of nearby restaurants, and animations of the ways to get there.”

Can’t picture myself finger-writing “Knicks” on the dashboard while driving in NYC, without mentally killing a pedestrian and rear-ending a cab.

But don’t fret: these genuises have thought of everything. “A notice that pops up when the Audi system is turned on reads: ‘Please only use the online services when traffic conditions allow you to do so safely.’”

So yesterday I was quite pissed off at Fido for charging me 599-799$ for an iPhone because I already have a service contract with them. If I was a new customer, the same phone would cost me 99$. I consider that a penalty for loyalty. (Screw the 65 Fido dollars I’ve accrued).

I was slightly disappointed to get out of work late tonight, for I planned on going to my local Fido boutique to (nicely and constructively) complain, but I knew it would be closed by the time I got there.

However, when I arrived past it, I saw that someone had driven their car right into the store (this is the one on Christophe-Colomb and Mont-Royal). The bumper was still in the shop window! Guess someone registered my complaint for me.

Dear Universe, if you really work like this, can I have a full team by February?

Yahtzee excels at eloquently expressing my thoughts.

…basically I’m just so fucking bored of shit like this. The improbably Warhammer 40k-esque power armour. The automatic healing. The overcompensating macho beefcakes with voices like they’ve had their lips clamped around exhaust pipes their whole lives. The schizophrenic design-by-committee flitting between whiny drama and goofy wisecracks. The obligatory female support character with the no-nonsense attitude and permanently cocked hips. The monstrous, dehumanised, unequivocally evil baddies. The inevitable betrayal from the jaded authority figure. I’ve gone through the same banal motions so many times it’s increasingly hard to talk about them in any meaningful or interesting way.

To be honest, I’m not even really that tired of playing these games when they’re done well, I’m just really sick of seeing only these kinds of projects get real funding and attention. Of course, the cost of game development is such that publishers can’t afford to take many chances and have to guarantee hits for themselves, so it’s not a simple problem to solve.

But still, when you think of the talent, intelligence and passion that this industry has, it’s a huge shame.

This page on how to make a good powerpoint presentation is presented in a way that makes me think I shouldn’t trust it.

I honestly thought for a second it was a clever way to make its point.

Nous sommes en élection; donc, tel que le veut la tradition, je vous présente ma montée de lait électorale. Notez qu’elle est encore moins songée que la dernière, cher lecteur, mais je m’en crisse. C’est libérateur des fois de s’en crisser, et après tout, c’est une montée de lait. Relevée de bile.

Ceci dit, j’ai la forte impression cette saison, plus que d’habitude, de ne pas avoir de choix. Pour la première fois, je pense annuler mon vote, et ça m’attriste beaucoup. Mais que faire d’un choix qui se dessine ainsi ?

- Un parti qui, je le crains toujours, pourrait diluer ses énergies (et celles du peuple) à parler de « relancer le projet souverainiste » ou « régler la question nationale ». Cf

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ma dernière montée de lait, d’après moi on a simplement des choses plus pressantes à régler. Je sais, ils ne feront pas de référendum au premier mandat, mais c’est la raison d’être du parti. Ça a l’avantage d’être clair, comme on dit, mais Non merci pareil.

- Un deuxième parti qui, depuis sa prise du pouvoir, n’a pas fait grand-chose pour régler les enjeux qui me tiennent à cœur (lisez la santé, les taxes, l’environnement et en grande primeur, l’éducation, Mme Courchesne). Je préférerais ne pas voter Libéral, ne fût-ce que parce que c’est sain de changer de gouvernement de temps en temps.

- Un troisième joueur qui représentait la dernière fois un espoir de choix, mais qui semble s’être effondré aussitôt que la dernière bulle électorale a crevé. Ce n’est pas la société québécoise qui est en quête d’identité, M. Dumont, c’est votre parti. Quelles véritables solutions avez-vous proposées aux enjeux ci-haut nommés? Avec l’exemple donné par nos voisins la semaine dernière, n’avez-vous pas compris que le contenu est plus vendeur que les vidéos d’attaque montés à la Musique Plus qu’on retrouve sur votre site? Un conseil : les ados n’ont pas le droit de vote… le saviez-vous? Et en passant, 900M$ de plus par année aux familles, il y a sûrement moyen d’utiliser cette aide de façon plus ciblée.

Alors voilà : cette année, il n’y a pas de parti qui me donne le goût de participer.

From a May article in the Anchorage Daily News:

The State of Alaska will sue to challenge the recent listing of polar bears as a threatened species, Gov. Sarah Palin said Wednesday.

She and other Alaska elected officials fear a listing will cripple oil and gas development in prime polar bear habitat off the state’s northern and northwestern coasts. (…)

Climate models that predict continued loss of sea ice, the main habitat of polar bears, during summers are unreliable, Palin said.

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When I left my job this spring, I bought a new phone. Twelve days later, the backplate that covers the battery fell off the phone. The Fido store staff proposed that I buy another phone, for 300$. I’d gotten this one for 50$ with a contract. So this was unacceptable: what if I bought another one for 300$ and the plate fell off again, then what? Buy another one?

I called Fido customer service, and got the same solution: buy another phone for 300$. I argued to get a replacement part or phone, as it wasn’t normal that through normal use, the plate had fallen off the phone after 12 days. They argued that I had put the plate on wrong. I said it was the Fido store representative that had assembled the phone for me. Getting no joy from one call-center employee, I called back a few times until I got someone more amenable. He said that because it had been less than two weeks since I’d bought the phone, he would send me a new one. It would take 10 working days, and I’d have to send my current phone back in the box provided.

Three months went by, no phone. I procrastinated because the phone worked fine without the plate.

A few weeks ago, the phone started having trouble charging. Thinking it might be due to the missing plate, I called Fido and asked them where the phone they were sending me was. They had no record of such a transaction, of course. I told the story and argued for a while, using my tactic of calling back to get another representative, and realized after speaking to a few that the most they were authorized to do for me was offer me a 50$ rebate on a new 300$ phone. So now, what I needed to do was get passed to a supervisor, who could do more.

Getting to speak to a supervisor can be difficult. The answer you typically get is, they won’t be able to do more. But you have two great assets on your side: the call-center employee has to keep call length to a minimum, and they’re not allowed to hang up on you.

Of course you have to invest some time, but call centers expect you to give up (and spend 300$ in this case). But this war of attrition is one you can easily win. And once in a while, you have to do it, if only for the principle.

This is what you do:

Before the call, prepare a nice, warm, cup of tea, take a comfortable seat and accept that you’ll have to invest time. You have it, they don’t. When they say “is there anything else I can do for you today?”, which means, “I need to hang up now”, you just take a deep breath and start telling your story again. Use the same arguments. As many times as it takes. Eventually, when the call length starts getting too long, the employee will want to pass you on to the supervisor in order to terminate the call. In some centers, calls beyond a certain length actually pop an alarm up on the supervisor’s console.

When I spoke to the supervisor, he was wonderfully helpful. He obviously had the clearances needed to give me the moon. He said it was possible to just purchase the plate (something I’d asked for at the Fido store in the first place), that it cost 8$ (not 300$), he checked and found that the downtown Fido store had plenty (hm, is it possible this happened not just to me?), and that he would credit my account 8$ so I wouldn’t have to pay for the plate.

Mission accomplished.

Post Scriptum: In the face of such helpfulness, my reflex was to be thankful. But this only happened after at least 6 Fido employees tried to get me to buy a new phone. Is this any way to treat your clients, Fido? Bad dog!