“I am not the Han Solo you’re looking for”.

Best line (of that kind, anyway) I’ve ever heard.

Overheard on the way to E3:

- Hey, this is a really nice picture of Anakin and Obi-Wan, wouldn’t you say?
- Yup. Check out those little hip pouches. I wonder what they carry in those.
- Extra batteries. You wouldn’t believe how many AAs those light sabers go through.
- Cellphones.
- It kinda looks like a DS. Maybe they have gameboys in there.
- Those multicolored things they have on their belts, looks like different flavors of condoms.
- They can’t have condoms, Jedis aren’t supposed to do it. Right? You know, the Force is actually just sperm buildup.
- Yeah well it’s In Case of Turning to the Dark Side…
- Yeah they wouldn’t want that to spread… The Jedi Council is still divided about whether to distribute condoms…
- Yeah maybe it actually promotes Turning.
- Why would they even need hip pouches anyway? I mean, they have the Force…
- Yeah, they could just have their stuff hovering around behind them all the time…
- In orbit around them… and they’d look like big atoms with all this stuff spinning around them…

Simpower over in Paolo’s comments has perfectly summed up my feelings about the new Star Wars trailer:

Damn, it looks good, but he’ll find a way to fuck it up.

E-mail exchange I had a while back:

Me: So my dad and I were discussing this weekend who should play Wonder Woman in the upcoming movie. I said Carrie-Anne Moss would be good, but he said she doesn’t have enough of a rack. What do you think?

Dr Wank: I think I love your dad.

Jokes aside, I love Wonder Woman, so this is an important question. Rumor has come out that it’s a tossup between Kim Basinger (I know, I know… huh?) and Jessica Biel. I had no idea who this JB chick was, but after looking at a few pictures, I have to say that I provisionally approve, something I never thought I’d do. To me the most important thing in casting for WW is that she should be a real amazon who could kick butt, not some anorexic stick with thin “yoga arms”… Someone powerful-looking like the way she looks in this picture. JB isn’t exactly that, but she’s probably closer than a lot of the actresses being considered.

Go ahead, tell me your opinions on the matter, tell me who could play her.

(illustration by Alex Ross)

Jane over at Game Girl Advance makes some Valentine’s Day present suggestions for that special geekette in your life.

She says of the Logitech Wireless Controller for PS2: All right, maybe it’s not the most romantic of gifts, but it’ll last a lot longer than red roses. And let’s face it, it’s less embarrassing to walk home with one of those, right?…

He: So, who’s your favorite superhero?
Me: Well, maybe it’s just being named MJ, but I’ve always been a Spider-Man woman. Something about being able to swing around skyscrapers would be cool.
He: Spider-Man. Yeah, that makes sense.
Me: And Peter Parker would probably be a very caring guy who could make intelligent conversation.
He: But probably not very good in bed.
Me: No, Peter Parker’s just good for a serious relationship.
He: If it were just for bed and nothing else, then it would have to be…
Me: Someone like Wolverine.
He: You’re right. Bruce Wayne would probably be bad in bed too. No perversion there.
Me: Yeah, way too straight.
He: I’ll tell you who isn’t straight. Captain America. There’s a closet homo.
Me: Probably no good for me then either.
He: Nah, Wolverine as probably your best bet for just a lover.
Me: Or a f*ck friend. I mean, we could do stuff like go bowling, too.
He: What about Superman?
Me: Doesn’t do it for me. You ever read the Larry Niven story about whether Superman and Lois could actually do it? How it might actually be like a shotgun blast through her womb?
He: Heh heh. No. Guess he’d need a Kryptonite condom.
Me: Nah, that makes him impotent I bet. And even Superman would be paranoid about bringing anything like that near his boys.

Warning, I’m about to totally geek out here.

I love the Daredevil comics. In high school, the tragic story of Daredevil and Elektra was my first taste of how great comics could be. Elektra’s life is a series of horrendous events that eventually drive her to becoming a savage ninja assassin, and the enemy of her love, Daredevil. I always imagined the two would reunite, but instead, she ultimately gets fatally stabbed, only to drag herself to his place and die in his arms. It’s absolute fromaaaahge, but to a teenage girl, it was as powerful as a story about superheroes could be.

Daredevil, the movie that came out two years ago, was craptacular, everyone knows that. The filmmakers could have made LOTR and they still wouldn’t be breaking even karmatically as far as I’m concerned. There was nothing dark, tormented or tragic about Elektra, and she was completely miscast. Jennifer Garner was cute (and this is not a good thing here), and had none of the sheer “kickassabilty” of Elektra.

So for the longest time I’ve only been vaguely aware that there’s a movie coming out about my favorite comic “villainness”, but recently pictures of Garner as the new Elektra have started popping up all over. And I have to say, something about the way they got her to look, just like in the comics, has tapped into some buried part of my 80s psyche, and I find myself guiltily looking forward to the piece of putrid crap this movie is sure to be. I’ll probably go by myself wearing shades and a scarf over my head. And I’ll do penance and cleanse my soul by seeing Hotel Rwanda right after.

University Offers Course on Star Trek.

Another topic for class discussion will be the prime directive, the rule dictating that Starfleet officers must not interfere in the development of alien cultures.

I wonder what the male-to-female ratio will be in that class…

Thanks Dr. Wank

Before the lame-ass new Star Wars movies, we might have let it go if we saw a Lando Calrissian or an Ewok waiting in line for a movie. Not anymore. Anyone disguised as a Jedi in this day and age had better have been helped into that costume by a caregiver assigned by the state to assist their special needs.

Dressing like Darth Vader creates a number of sexual obstacles. First you have to find someone who doesn’t mind dating the dark lord of geeks, and from this point on the sentence is moot since you won’t, and then they have to safely be able to dig their way through your codpiece of cybernetic space enhancements.

Damn, I’ll have to rethink my costume this year.

(Thanks Dr. Wank)

“When she found the Dungeons and Dragons books, I tried to tell her they were somebody else’s, but she didn’t believe me. I told her I bought them for the articles.”

- from an upcoming documentary about gaming geeks.