If you see someone running in Lafontaine Park one evening, with a little dog (I don’t know, say a Boston Terrier), running by her side, painstakingly trained to stay close and not run off, and if you’re above the age of four, and you run up to the dog SCREAMING at it and stamping your feet, terrifying it into running into its mistress’ legs, a tree, or worse, the street, you will be punched in the larynx. Dumbass.

(Yes, I use a leash, but lightspeedpooch is very fast and strong.)