05.07.02 scatological veterinary humor
I love this e-mail I got from Matt, my ex. He’s a vet. Warning: it’s highly scatological, but it cracked me up.
“…Horse presented at 3 AM for chronic diarrhea (i.e. shit everywhere in the stable). Load’em up with 20 liters of activated carbon (personal note: activated carbon neutralizes the toxins (and beer) in your digestive tract (keep this in mind the next time you celebrate New Year’s at Gord’s International House of Vomit*)). Okay, in goes the carbon… mix mix stir stir… and voilà, the perfect shit-producing machine. I tell ya the stuff comes out like one of those fire retardant foams they use at the airport.
Stark black shitty diarrhea careening off the walls as the horse attempts to comprehend the marde mayhem coming out of its ass. I’m enjoying myself immensely, when the resident tells me I’m now responsible for taking its temperature (rectally) every two hours. Haven’t been shit-showered as of yet … auscult the descending colon in order to anticipate the next shit-tsunami…
So, are you free sometime this weekend or friday night? I’ll shower…”
* this is a reference to New Year’s Eve 2000, when about a third of the people at Gord’s party went Vesuvius…