I have a theory. The theory is this: in the early seventies, a budding filmmaker named George Lucas sold his soul to the devil. The devil said, “you will make three of the most groundbreaking films of your time. These films will define pop culture for a generation. You will enjoy the success and worship of fans the world over for 25 years. But THEN…”

It’s paytime. For all of us. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not just jumping on the “it’s cool to hate Lucas” bandwagon.

I thought Episode One really felt like a Star Wars movie, with the sand and the robes and Obi-Wan and the music, and what were people complaining about so much?

Episode Two I had more trouble justifying to myself, seeing as he messed up what could have been Vader’s descent into evil. But still, it revealed some interesting background about intriguing characters, and the fight of the Jedi against the Clones was cool. So what if they used excessive CG for absolutely everything? So what if Hayden Christiensen (Anakin) couldn’t act? After all, it only makes it more believable that he sired Luke!

But no. For all my will to think for myself, I must finally own that George Lucas can’t make a good movie. His descent into mediocrity is the sad, chilling spectacle we would have liked to see in Anakin’s turn to the dark side.

I’ve held my sale-of-Lucas’-soul-to-the-devil theory to myself for a while, but today it is theory no more.

The proof? According to the imdb, Lucas now insists that all the characters in Episode 3 sport mullets. Mullets! You know, coupe Longueuil, hockey hair! I can just see George arguing with the devil about this:

“Now come on, I gave you CG Yoda! Midichlorians! Anakin and Amidala rolling in the grass! …”
- (heheh) I do come up with the best ones, don’t I? But I gave you AT-ATs, Boba Fett, Light Sabers and Vader turning out to be Luke’s father. You never would have thought of that. I gave you the inspiration NOT to direct Empire Strikes Back”.
- Jar-Jar Binks, Lucifer.
- Mullets, George.
- Greedo shoots first?!
- Mullets.

It’s the only explanation.

(picture from the Shore Fishing and Casting Club International)