Last week or so Patrick was talking about his encounter with really bad body odor, the kind that requires an exorcist.

Today I’m having a similarly unfortunate olfactory experience. See, I hate the smell of Jean Paul Gaultier’s cologne for men. I hate that smell so much it’s always made my stomach contract - even before I identified it as that cologne. In my mind I have a running history of the men in my past who have smelled like that, and there are forever etched in my memory as olfactory assaillants. I don’t want to insult any user of the cologne, I’m sure you’re all fine upstanding citizens who clean behind your ears. You just have chosen a smell that makes me sick.

Well, today while I was away, someone with that smell used my phone. I have used soap, room deodorant and rubbing alcohol. It’s there. Haunting my phone. Every time it rings and I pick it up by reflex, I am brutally assaulted.

Do you think bathing one’s phone in tomato sauce might be bad for it?