Yesterday was my wedding day, again. And again, something was terribly wrong.

I’ve had this recurring dream since high school. I realize that I’m getting married today, and haven’t had time to prepare properly. Something’s always missing. A few months ago it was my wedding day but I’d forgotten to send out the invitations, so I was on the phone trying to scrounge up whatever guests I could. Once it was my wedding day and I didn’t have a dress. Once I couldn’t find my way to the church.

In Cegep it was once my wedding day and my husband was some stranger who spoke an unintelligible language, while the priest, a young blond girl, badgered me about not being ready for this. Once, I was getting married to someone I didn’t know, but it was too late to back out.

Yesterday I realized at 4:15 pm that I was getting married at 3. Everyone was waiting for me. I quickly put on my dress, and then realized it was a horrible, ripped and dirty dress, with many many discount tags on it.

I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “this isn’t happening. It’s one of those stupid wedding day dreams”. But then I got distracted by the fact that I didn’t know how to put on makeup, and had to call Bill to rush over and help me.

I don’t really think this dream is about my wedding day. For one, I don’t really think about marriage. For the other, I’ve had this dream throughout my life, whether I was in a relationship or not. I never see or know who the groom is. I think it’s about something having to be perfect, but failing to be so. Well, who knows.