I’ve just had two really weird experiences.

My back was worse today, so I decided to go through the rigamarole of finding a doctor around here (despite my lack of an Ontario health plan) to prescribe stronger drugs.

His office was located in a really dingy mall, and he was really chatty. He said that when someone wanted drugs for back pain, you should usually suspect that they’re a painkiller addict. He seemed suspicious but did end up prescribing me some stronger, “prescription-strength” Tylenol. Great, I thought, the addicts are ruining it for us people in real pain.

He said I should get a massage. Seeing as I’m alone here, he offered to do the honors. It sounded weird but I was in so much pain that I hopped on the exam table and he gave me a Tiger Balm rub, which did relieve me. He said, I really could do this all day, Marie, but I have to see patients. That was weird but I didn’t care, the pain was gone.

*Then* after the backrub he gave me his pager number and said if I felt bad later he could make a housecall at the hotel “and we’ll take care of you”. It sounds awful, but if he’s just an honest doctor, then it’s just all the sickos ruining it for a professional caregiver, right? (Of course I’m not calling! What do you think?)

Get back to the hotel and order food from a nearby restaurant. Feeling kind of embarassed at my bent-over posture when the delivery guy gets here, I tell him I have a backache.

He says “you need some percocets. I have some in the car if you want”. This guy was pushing painkillers! NO, I *REALLY* HAVE A BACKACHE!

Now I know how to get drugs, though, if you guys ever need. Just saying.