20.04.07 letting go of the allan key
In 8 days, the Scotsmontonian will move to Montreal, into my heretofore bachelorette pad with me and my heretofore life-mate, Comet.
Forced inside by the weather, we spent his last visit in an unquestionably domestic manner, measuring walls, planning Ikea purchases for the extra stuff he’d be bringing, and choosing colors to repaint some rooms. Despite the fact that he’ll have some time off, it was really important to me that we both be involved in assembling the not-even-purchased-yet furniture, and in putting the not-yet-chosen-paint on the walls.
A couple of days later, my ex had a few insights for me, having recently helped someone move in. He said he’d felt decidedly masculine and able, putting up shelves and using tools, “very different from how I was used to feeling around you”.
Makes you think, doesn’t it. Am I castrating my guy by usurping his traditional position of handiman-in-chief? I know I feel like a domestic goddess when I pull off a roasted leg of lamb, so why not allow him his satisfaction too? Why not allow him his Y-chromosome-given right to feeling like a rugged provider, having assembled the DIKTAD, the BONDE and the BILLY while I’m at work? Then the more I thought about it, the more I saw the advantages to me. Call me a control freak, but up until then it hadn’t occurred to me that coming home to things being done - and done not by me - was a good thing. A Scotsman wants to do my housework, and I’m fighting it. What am I, stupid?
It’s a process, you know. And I’m sure that starting in 8 days, there will a lot more processes in motion.
Ahhh… Delegation… Gotta love it!
Don’t get me wrong, you’ll still be in charge but you have someone else do the work. That way, everyone is happy
Whoa! (woe?) Whatever you do, you have to get rid of the idea that he’s moving into YOUR place. Assuming he’s supporting his share financially, you guys will have an equal interest. That means you have to let him put his weird Scottish art up on the wall - you can’t say, “Not in MY place!” Plus you’re going to have to make room for his collection of Irvine Walsh, Robbie Burns, and Jackie Stewart memorabilia. You will have to learn to live with the smell of Marmite. At some point he will broach the subject of allowing Haggis on the premises. Be ready for that. Remember, these people grow up wearing skirts with no underwear; they’re tough as nails but very strange.
Finally, when a woman does it, it’s housework. When a man does it, it’s CHORES. This is key.
(this is all very tongue in cheek of course except for the first bits)
Wow, best of luck to you and the Scotsmontonian in this new chapter in your life. Exciting! I think you can both share the allan key, if you ask me.
After nearly four years with Rose, I STILL can’t get used to asking her to do things for me. I am hoping that by doing so, her asking me for things won’t feel like such a colossal pain in the ass.
Comment on this post
Copyright 2008 www.lightspeedchick.com