My ex-boyfriend the veterinarian came over for dinner yesterday. The conversation fell to cases he’s had where the animal had either been intentionally drugged (blowing pot smoke into a cat’s face), or gotten into the master’s stash (a dog that ate the owner’s cocaine).

Anyway, the funniest story was that of a Shitsu that drank an entire beer which had allegedly been spilled. In case you didn’t know, dogs tend to like beer. Anyway, this poor little thing, that was vomiting and having trouble standing up, was brought in by three humans who were quite enebriated themselves. The clinic kept the dog overnight and called the owners the next day to say the dog was now fine (other than a probable massive headache?). The owners had no idea what he was talking about. None could remember bringing - driving - the dog to the vet’s. They were actually looking for their pet when he called. Scary, eh?

I’ve had pets my whole life and never had anything like what I heard yesterday (dog ingesting underwear, cat eating - and successfully passing - a needle). No, wait. My German shepherd Mousse once ate a rosary. He chose to pass it at my grandparents’ place as they were watching mass on TV.

Ain’t life with pets grand?