Innocently flipping through the channels this morning, I happened upon an Olympic hockey game. Oh, it’s men’s hockey and Canada’s playing. Oh, we’re WHAT? Losing to Switzerland in third period!!! Surely this is bad fiction, or archive footage from some moments-to-forget reel… But no, this abomination is happening right as I write.

The Canadians, all of them professionals, are getting their millionnaire asses handed to them by Switzerland. Not Sweden (which would be bad enough), not Belarus.

Switzerland.

And now Vincent Lecavalier just got TWELVE penalty minutes. Thanks, asshat. Couldn’t you have played like this in your last playoffs against Montreal?

My Hockey Tourette’s is in full form this morning.

UPDATE: Paul DiPietro, who scored both goals for Switzerland, was born in Sault Ste-Marie, uh… CANADA. Somebody needs to go Jack Bauer on his ass.