So Bill and I are planning a little breakfast date and she offers to provide lox for the bagels. I reply, “no thanks, I don’t eat fish”.

I really don’t like fish (or any other seafood). I deeply regret this because I know how good it’d be for me to eat it once in a while. Mind you, nowadays I’m not even so sure of that - did you know that salmon is artificially colored to be pink? That it’s near impossible to buy real salmon fished out of the sea, no matter how much you’re willing to pay?

Anyway, this caused me to remember with a smile some gastronomic nightmare that once befell me. I was in the beautiful Atlantic town of Bergen, Norway, world-famous for its fabulous fish. The whole town smells of fish. I was visiting the family of a professor I’d met online, and they were of course very proud of their local delicacies, so the menu my first night there was of course going to be fish. Ugh. But not just fish: a bouillabaisse with three types of fresh fish, fresh scampis, mussels, shrimps, etc.

I realized with shame that to most people this would be a wonderful meal, but all I could do was try not to inhale too deeply to avoid the smell.

Too polite to refuse their food, I courageously muscled my way through all the fish and seafood, blocking off my senses to keep from gagging. Finally, at the bottom of my bowl were left only two disgusting-looking mussels, staring up at me with their bivalves. I collected my thoughts, tried to clear my mind, and put one in my mouth, trying in vain to swallow. But my eyes just watered and my stomach contracted in protest. It had taken all it would from the sea.

What to do? This was a desperate time. I took advantage of baby Harald grabbing everyone’s attention, and, feigning a mouth wipe, quickly transferred the mussel to a napkin, disposing of the napkin in my sock. The other mussel quickly underwent the same journey. A quick trip to the bathroom, and they had recovered their freedom.

Sometimes I feign an allergy to fish because people insist “oh but you must try this”. And don’t get me started on the whole social stigma associated with the blasphemy of not liking sushi.

Some tastes are not meant to be acquired.